How to Expose a Narcissist in Family Court

Family Courtroom is ready to be adversarial. Information technology pits one parent confronting some other.  This unfortunately feeds into the narcissist's ego defence which is to win at all costs.  They do this past masterfully playing the role of either hero or victim (oftentimes both at the aforementioned fourth dimension).  They will claim you are alienating them or abusing them. They volition even manipulate the children to ostend their story thus proving their prowess.

I accept worked with hundreds of parents who accept sought support and protection for them and their children from Family unit Court only to be disappointed and disillusioned to come across that the court is hands duped by the narcissist and given more than time with the children. In many cases the narcissist manages to employ Family unit Courtroom to cut the other parent completely out of the child's life.

How tin this happen?

The Problem

I would recall that those highly experienced in law (solicitors and judges) would have what it takes to easily recognise deception, or at least know how to ensure that a person is examined thoroughly plenty to make reasonably sure that they are telling the truth. Simply those in law are just as vulnerable to the highly skilled narcissist as the boilerplate person is.

Narcissists honey the court arena considering they go to have centre stage and express their grandiosity.  It feeds their ego and they seek to control the procedure. Some will do this by not turning up, issuing final infinitesimal changes to mean you have little or no fourth dimension to prepare.  Others will keep breaching the guild then you have to take them dorsum to court. They volition all threaten court repeatedly as a style to control you and become their ain mode – "if that's what you want, then we had all-time get back to court".  The fact they become to financially ruin in the process is the cherry on the cake for them.

Because narcissist's are naturally talented imposters, charmers, and deceivers, many judges get duped on a routine footing past narcissistic parents, who are simply using the court and the judge to proceed to humiliate, exert control, and abuse their ex, and force their ex to react to them in some mode. Narcissists live to dispense and command others emotions, self-esteem, and behaviours. Many volition draw the 'loftier' they get from manipulating others successfully, and if they get the judge to believe them, they will begin to brag that the judge is their ' personal friend'.

How Tin can They Go Abroad With Information technology

Narcissist'due south get away with what they go away with because they are then very talented at presenting themselves as innoce nt victims of their ex, their boss, their parents, etc. etc. They have an uncanny talent to dispense situations and people and to twist the obvious facts to fit their lies. Y'all know in your own relationship how they managed to convince you that they we re worth falling in honey with.  This is their own personal superpower – manipulating others.

Part of the problem is that in the context of family courtroom, no one really believes that a parent (especially ones who presents so well) tin be so cold, calculating and abusive to utilise their own children to hurt their ex in such extreme ways.  Nor practice they believe that children would lie about such matters as existence abused. I always found this very strange because, having worked in child protection, we know that child abusers ARE highly manipulative and deceptive AND that children will lie to protect the abuser.

Narcissists accept survived by understanding people and how they tick.  They know exactly how to get others to do their bidding and convince them it is all of their own doing.  Charles Manson is a prime case of how charming and manipulative a narcissist tin can be at getting people to do the unthinkable.  The trouble in Family Courtroom is that no judge (or professional) volition always desire to admit they have been manipulated like that. It hurts their ego also so very often, they will go on on the path the narcissist has led them down to salve their own ego.  People are inherently selfish and so even those charged with protecting children rarely act from a completely unbiased and empathic place. Information technology's human nature. We all want to be seen to do the right matter and non exist criticised. Narcissists use this to command others.

How tin can courtroom recognise a narcissist

Firstly I would e'er suggest against labelling your ex as a narcissist (unless they have an official clinical diagnosis).  You are non a psychologist or psychiatrist and and then you cannot diagnose them. To do and so undermines you. There are ways however that you tin can alert the court and professionals to the behaviours which are problematic:

• Narcissists volition continuously be going back and forth to court sometimes with bug which barely brand sense or are fully nonsense or are taken dorsum to courtroom for repeatedly breaching the guild
• They volition exist constantly changing legal representation
• They may try to act as an equal or friend to professionals
• They can be very demanding about the treatment they receive when attention court
• They nowadays as being very amusing simply breach the order within days (sometimes hours) of leaving court
• They will refuse to take any responsibility for annihilation
• There will be multiple, unsubstantiated claims of abuse/harassment against the ex
• In that location may exist a design of behaviours in past relationships
• There is inconsistency in what they say and how they comport
• There may be multiple allegations of corruption against the ex only with NFA'due south from the police
• The children display very black and white thinking against the other parent (one is all good, the other all bad)
• The narcissist has cut contact with everyone involved with the ex including all the children's aunts and uncles

How to brand judges accept notice

The reality is that inside the court loonshit it is very difficult for judges to decipher everything.  They are reliant upon other professionals, normally social workers, to provide them with reports and recommendations.  Information technology is therefore important that, as a parent going through this process, you lot remain child focused and permit the narcissist's behaviour to reveal itself.

1. The court can order both parents into counselling towards the goal of effective co-parenting. Once a custody club is made, the courtroom can monitor the compliance of both parents. This is frequently when the narcissist begins to show their truthful colours. They just cannot comply with any say-so other than their own cocky-inflated opinions and will.  In virtually cases, if they comply at all with the counselling (many practise not even get in to one session), it simply takes a brusque time earlier they will discredit the counsellor, petition the court for some other counsellor, and just stop showing upwards. What they really want is a counsellor that cannot 'run across through them' and discover i that they can manipulate for their own purposes, meaning supporting their position that their ex is persecuting them.
2. Another option is for the family unit to undergo a psychological evaluation.  Unremarkably this will entail the psychologist spending time with each parent individually, the children separately if possible and the children with each parent.  They will then evaluate the dynamics and make recommendations to the courtroom most next steps. Information technology really helps if the psychologist tin can include a thorough clarification of the Affect and capacity for alter of the parents within these situations.  Unfortunately I have seen time and fourth dimension again where psychological evaluations identify the issues but fail to inform the courtroom what this means. Over again, judges are non mental wellness or child development professionals. They need guidance on what this means for the children moving forward and the impact of whatsoever activity taken.
3. Equally the other parent, you tin can contribute to this procedure by not bitter when the narcissist tries to bait you.  They volition deliberately push your buttons in public to get a reaction out of you which they will then employ as "evidence" of all the allegations they are making about you.  It is therefore important that you prepare fully for courtroom both in terms of how you feel on the day but also dealing with your own trauma from the relationship. Nosotros have specifically designed our Get Court Ready program to aid you with this. It provides you lot with tools, insights and activities to rewrite the narcissists narrative, manage your own emotions and protect the children.  Find out more than at the Get Court Ready page on our website.

Finally, it would greatly benefit all professionals involved in child protection (solicitors, judges, social workers, courtroom workers) to undergo basic training on personality disorders, domestic abuse and parental alienation.  This volition at least provide them with an additional theory to examine the evidence against. I personally accept adult numerous courses on these areas which are CPD accredited and available online. Head to my other website, Kid Protection Centre , for more details.

What are your experiences of Family Court?  What more practice you remember can be done?

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Source: https://thenurturingcoach.co.uk/family-court-and-narcissism/

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